Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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