I want to walk on stilts...naked
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
