Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize