Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
