mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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