Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
