Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
