we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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