I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
