How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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