Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
