i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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