I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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