I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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