some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
