Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
