This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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