apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
