Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will be naked everywhere
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
