I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
