I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
