Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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