dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
