I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
