I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
