I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
