When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
