Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
