So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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