My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
