I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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