i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
