I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
