so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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