I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
