I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
