I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
