She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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