his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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