that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize