i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
