Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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