I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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