your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
