i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
