my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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