I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
