I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
