I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
