he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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