You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
