And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
