For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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