i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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