glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I understand Curling. That high.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
