I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
