I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
