he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
