Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
