and you said cock pushups were impossible
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize