How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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