OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
