Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
