Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
