Quick, to the slutcave!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
