he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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