you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
