Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
