She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
